


Steamed Hams except it sounds like a short novel

by CakeyFlo



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:13:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28188999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CakeyFlo/pseuds/CakeyFlo
Summary: self explanatorydedicated to my friend angela/angie, who always steamed a good ham.
Kudos: 1





	Steamed Hams except it sounds like a short novel

Superintendent Chalmers rang Principal Skinner's doorbell. Upon seeing the door opened, Chalmers reassured Skinner that he had arrived, despite Skinner's directions. Happy to see the superintendent, Skinner greeted him and hoped he would be prepared for an unforgettable luncheon. As Chalmers took a seat, Skinner entered the kitchen, when all of a sudden he realized smoke was emitting from his oven. His roast was ruined. But after looking out his window, Skinner's mind began to form a devilish plan to purchase fast food and disguise it as his own cooking.

  


As he headed out of the window, he was caught dead in his tracks by the superintendent.

  


_ Skinner with his crazy explanations, _

_ The superintendent's gonna need his medication, _

_ When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations, there'll be trouble in town tonight! _

  


After Chalmers had caught him red-handed, Seymour quickly explained that he was merely stretching his calves on the windowsill, which was, as he put it, isometric exercise. After asking if Chalmers cared to join him, the superintendent ignored him and instead asked why smoke was coming out of Skinner's oven. Skinner assured him that it was not smoke, but steam. Steam from the steamed clams he was preparing for lunch. He gestured that they would taste good. After Chalmers exited the kitchen, Skinner proceeded to execute his plan to fix the luncheon. When lunch began, Skinner stated that he hoped that Chalmers was ready for, quote-on-quote, 'mouthwatering hamburgers'. Chalmers expressed his confusion to the principal as he was under the impression that they would be having steamed clams, but Skinner claimed that they were actually having steamed hams, a term he used to describe hamburgers, baffling the superintendent. Skinner explained that it was a regional dialect, and when Chalmers asked for what region, Skinner replied "Upstate New York". A native of Utica, Chalmers was skeptical. But Skinners assured him that it was strictly an Albany expression. 

  


As the gentlemen ate, the superintendent felt that the burgers were reminiscent of the ones that were sold at Krusty Burger. Skinner scoffed at the idea and explained to Chalmers that they were, in fact, an old family recipe; patented Skinner burgers, but Chalmers was not yet convinced, saying that the so-called 'steamed hams' were, in fact, grilled. At a loss for words, Principal Skinner began to stutter.

  


He asked Chalmers to excuse him for a brief moment and the superintendent agreed. Realizing that his kitchen was on fire, Skinner re-entered the dining room, telling Chalmers that he was tired and wanted to end the luncheon. The superintendent was shocked to see what was happening in the principal's kitchen, to which Skinner replied "aurora borealis". Baffled by the principal's response, Chalmers questioned Skinner's explanation, as aurora borealis taking place only in his kitchen sounded unlikely. 

  


Assuring him that it was, in fact, aurora borealis, Chalmers asked if he could see it, to which the principal replied with a simple "no". As Skinner saw Chalmers to the door, Agnes yelled that the house was on fire, which Skinner denied. Chalmers expressed how he thought Skinner was an odd fellow, however, he left telling him that he, quote-on-quote, 'steamed a good ham'.

  


Hearing more shrieks from Skinner's mother, he took one last look as Principal Skinner gave him a thumbs-up. Once Chalmers was out of sight, Skinner immediately ran inside to save his mother from his burning house.

**Author's Note:**

> i cant explain what you just read  
> uh  
> i WOULD work on my other fanfictions but no,, i just dont have the motivation to do so  
> so instead, i made this  
> :)


End file.
